An interesting point that I’ve noticed today is how I tend to consider decisions that I about to make only from a starting point of fear, and within this not take into account any practicalities, and within not considering myself within the decision I am about to make.
So, the context was that I was looking at possibilities to study abroad for the coming term as a exchange student, I considered the point because I am aware that it’s seen as a merit when you apply for jobs. Within this though, I experienced a conflict, because as I was looking at whether, or whether not I should go abroad, there was a fear existent within me that in making that decision, I would not get as effective grades as I would if I’d read at my current university, and that I in reading abroad, would miss out on a relevant course that was given at my current university.
In looking more depth at the point, I am thus able to see that the decision is coming from a starting point of fear, wherein the first initial fear is that I won’t get a job after my education, which triggered me to begin looking at the option of studying abroad, and then that fear reared it’s head again in considering studying abroad as to what this might entail for me.
Thus, I can see clearly that I have some big issues with self-trust and self-worth in relation to moving myself in the system, making money in the system, and becoming effective in the system in regards to this aspect – and the consequence is that I will make decisions that are based on fear and wherein I do not take any practical points into consideration, as to what would be effective considering all possible play-outs and outflows.
Today, I am as such going to continue with my self-forgiveness in relation to fear of not surviving in the system, which at the moment clearly is the main-issue I am facing within myself, and that almost each and every day takes me for a ride into my mind, wherein I start to consider, and make decisions, and plan my life, from within and as a starting point of fear.
I see that the solution is to align myself in regards to my planning and decision making, to instead of considering fear, considering the practical aspects of my life and living, consider the practical aspects of studying abroad, consider my responsibilities, my commitments, and myself – what does it actually entail to study abroad and is this something that I am willing to commit myself to do? Thus, changing my starting point from fear to instead be based on what is practical and what is common sense.
Self-forgiveness
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider and plan, and make decisions in regards to my life from a starting point of fear and anxiety, wherein I become possessed with fear, and then begin to look at potential ways to soothe my fear – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be honest with myself, and instead of looking at things from a starting point of fear, to look at what is practical, what will work, what is effective, what has the outflow that is best for all taking all points into consideration and not merely a energy of fear
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I look at the future, when and as I plan, when and as I make decisions, to do so from a starting point of fear and anxiety, a starting point of believing that I will not be able to handle myself in this system and thus I must now do everything in my power in order to survive, and make sure that I get through this day – instead of accepting and allowing myself to remain stable, to remain cool – to remain here breathing in my human physical body and to stop consider points from fear and instead consider points from a starting point of what is practical and what is common sense
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I make plans that I am satisfied with, and that I see is working effectively according to what it is that I’d like to do in life, and how it is that I’d like to live my life, to begin to doubt myself, and go into anxiety, worry and fear that I am going to miss out on something, that my decisions are going to have some detrimental effect to my future that I will not be able to control, and that I will not be able to avoid – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice living HERE moment by moment – making decisions according to what is here – making decisions according to what I see is effective, relevant and practical
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become caught in the mind-job of looking at my life from a starting point of fear and anxiety, wherein I become secluded into and as a very small dimension in my head area, wherein I apparently plan my life, when really I am just fueling fear, and anxiety – and I am making up plans and ideas for the future from a starting point of how I can soothe this fear not seeing, realizing and understand that I can’t soothe this fear, because this fear is in it’s very nature irrational and have nothing to do with reality
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am worthless and hopeless in regards to being able to move and direct myself within and as the system, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto an idea that I must honor fear, that I must honor survival, that I must honor anxiety, that I must honor the mind, and keep myself enslaved to the mind and fear in believing that this is going to protect me and make my life work out in some way after all – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stick to my breath – to not stick to moving myself on a breath per breath basis – and consider possibilities and options in regards to my future from a starting point of what is practical – what is common sense – what is effective and what isn’t effective – and thus make a pro’s and con’s list from within and as the starting point of looking at what is practical
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not look at points from a starting point of practicality, but instead look at them from a starting point of fear, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, perceive and believe that fear holds some form of value in regards to me motivating myself, and making sure that my life and living is effective – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this is in-fact not so – but that I am merely, in holding unto my mind and my fear, fueling an existence of separation, wherein I don’t have a clue of what I am really doing, planning, and walking – because everything I consider is based on fear and not on what is practical – what is physical – and what is common sense
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to when a fear comes up within me, to stop it, to instead in that moment change my way of looking at a decision to be pro’s and con’s – to be what is effective and what isn’t – to look at whether it’s viable or not – to look at what is the outflows and what are the consequences – and from such a starting point make a decision that entails a effective outcome for myself and the rest of my world and reality
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it’s obvious that fear can’t assist me in making effective decisions, fear can’t assist me in moving myself and surviving in this world, fear can’t assist me to remain stable and effective – fear is merely this nuisance that makes living in this world more complicated and arduous than what it in-fact have to be – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not commit myself to honor practicality – to honor the physical – to honor that which I am able to see, measure and clear for myself to be relevant
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in reality, it’s quite simple to make effective decisions, and that it only becomes difficult and hard when I involve the mind, when I involve fear, when I involve experiences; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here to and as my human physical body – and within this push myself to stabilize myself here in and as my human physical body – and make sure that when I consider points I do so from a starting point of what is practical
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how simplistic life can be when I accept and allow myself to look at practicality – what works – what doesn’t work – what is effective – what isn’t effective – I mean – in looking at the world from this view-point life become so much more simple to handle – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice to be physical in all moments – and when fear comes up – to remind myself that fear just complicates things and isn’t required for me to be effective in this world
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of career fears, money fears, and survival fears and realize that fact is that I do not have any explicit control over how this world and reality moves, and as such I can only work with probabilities – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not come to terms with this is how reality do IN-FACT function – and that accordingly I am not able to change this physical fact and as such there absolutely no reason what-so-ever to go into fear and anxiety in regards to this fact; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not work with that which is practical – that which is real – and do this without fear because fear is simply not necessary – it doesn’t help – it doesn’t assist – it’s simply a nuisance that is in the way for me actually living
Self-commitments
When and as I see that I am going into fear when looking at my future, planning, or making decisions, and I start to consider only the fear, only the anxiety, only my worry – and I do not see or consider what is practical – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I obviously do not need, or require fear to be effective in planning and deciding upon my future – all I need is to consider what is practical – what works; as such I commit myself to stop fear and to look at decisions from a starting point of what is practical – and make decisions according to what is practical and not according my fears
When and as I see that I am going into a repetitive thought-pattern based on fear, wherein I consider and walk a point in myself again, and again from a starting point of fear – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this is obviously not a solution – this is not an effective way to make decisions – and thus I commit myself to take a deep breath and unconditionally let the point go – and then re-look at the point in writing from a starting point of looking at what is practical and effective and what will work
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